Rain and transgender hope
let’s get this out of the way: I’m transgender.
this is a label that I have been grappling with for years. one that I didn’t feel was appropriate for me, or felt too strong for me, or something. while I had socially transitioned a while ago, I had not done much physical transitioning. I felt that calling myself “transgender” wasn’t fair to those who decide to take it farther than I did. I know, this is a dumb way of thinking. one doesn’t need to do anything to be trans. in my case though, I think it stemmed from a desire to do more than just the social part.
anyways, as you can tell, I’m now comfortable with the label. long story short, in March of this year, I had finally gotten to the point where I needed to do some physical transitioning. I couldn’t settle anymore.
around the time where I decided this, I was reading a niche webcomic called Rain, written and illustrated by Jocelyn Samara D. you can read it here. it’s a webcomic about a teenage trans girl, after whom the comic is named. I don’t think it’s for everyone (and I don’t think I know anyone personally who would like it), but was incredibly important for me when I read it, and it still is.
I reread Rain this past week. while the time between March and June is barely any at all, I feel that I have personally grown a lot. when I was first reading, I had just only decided to start taking hormones. hadn’t even seen my doctor yet. but I needed some sort of comfort. something to reassure me that what I was feeling was normal, and that what I was doing was correct for me. fast forward to last week, I’m happily still taking hormones, I feel very comfortable calling myself trans, and I am way way more open about it than I ever thought I’d be.
but, if you live in the United States in year 2025, like I do as I’m writing this, then you know that it is not a good time to be visibly transgender.
recently… I’ve been very scared. I only just started the next part of my transition. I’m incredibly happy with myself. I’m more confident. I’m excited for my own future. but… it’s hard to feel that way when taken in a broader sociopolitical context. I’m scared to travel across the US border. I’m scared to see my family in a more conservative part of the country. is it safe for me to… exist how I want to? am I too late..?
I reread Rain recently almost by accident, but I’m glad I did. it is a very real, very raw trans story, and it’s what I needed again. I needed to feel the insecurities I was feeling only months ago. I needed to remember the challenges of being trans on a smaller, more individual scale. I needed to see tensions that it can bring to personal relationships. and, most importantly, I needed to see all of those things resolved, in a way that felt natural and cathartic.
Rain is very important as a trans story, and it’s especially important to witness it in a time and place where our existence is being shunned and, frankly, persecuted by the government. it’s important to be reminded that at a scale that has more impact on our lives, we have more influence than we realize. in our communities. we are a part of them, and as such, have a voice that can be heard. and we can be welcomed and protected by our friends and families.
this is what gives me hope. Rain had reminded me of the feeling of a community that I already have. I will live the life that I’ve wanted for so long, because I have my friends, and my family, and my community to stand with me.
if you are trans, or care to read a transgender story, I highly recommend reading Rain. it tells the high school trans and queer experience very well. honestly, I’m hesitant to even call it a webcomic since it doesn’t fall into the typical webcomic pacing. it’d probably be more apt to call it a graphic novel. anyways, please give this comic a read if any of this blog post appealed to you, you won’t regret it!
